Enabler is kind of a buzzword. In fact,
the concept of enabling is quite complex and may involve the need to
challenge your own behavior and school of thought. Often, people
enable addicts out of love, but, of course, enabling is not helpful
behavior.
You enable somebody when your behaviors
detract from his or her ability to experience the consequences of
their own actions. An addict who never has to feel the consequences
of addiction may not realize he or she really has a problem.
Some people believe they are protecting
somebody when they are actually enabling them. For instance, you
might pay your daughter's rent when she says she has spent all her
money because you do not want her to become homeless.
Sometimes, downplaying the actions of a
loved one also serve to enable them. For example, you might keep a
secret about your loved one's addiction because you want to avoid
causing problems with other family members.
Some people may blame another
individual for an addict's actions. For example, you might blame your
son's girlfriend for causing him or her to become an addict, failing
to recognize the actions of each individual.
A fine line exists between enabling and
supporting somebody you love, and that line may be somewhat
confusing.
When you support a loved one, you allow
him or her to feel the consequences of their actions and then make
better decisions. You also encourage him or her to seek treatment and
do not try to micro-manage or control his or her behavior. You
support your loved one in their pursuit of treatment for addiction.
For example, some people may think that
they are supporting a loved one by giving them money to cover rent
after they spent their money on substances. This is an example of
enabling, rather than supporting.
Enabling can become a habit of its own,
and, for some people, the enabling behaviors may feel like an
addiction as well. You may realize you need to end your enabling
behaviors because it causes you to sacrifice your own mental health,
physical health, and financial well-being.
The first thing you can do to change
your behavior is to learn more about your loved one's addiction. Many
misconceptions exist about addiction, and you can learn more about
the issue by reading books and performing research.
Next, you might consider therapy.
Addiction is a family disease, which means that different family
members may play a role in the addiction and its implications for
mental health. You can develop your own strength through mental
health services and therapy.
Contrary to what many people believe,
support is crucial for everybody involved. Peer groups like Al-Anon
and Codependents Anonymous can provide excellent resources for
individuals who need to learn to drop the role of enablers.
Part of your own recovery may also
involve the establishment of boundaries. You should refuse to bail
out a loved one from jail, for example. You might choose to limit or
withhold money for an individual who typically spends money on
substances.
Finally, your own treatment plan might
involve seeking treatment for a loved one. Some people stage an
intervention, and, in some cases, the addict is the one who decides
he or she wants help.
We at Oak
Arbor
offer treatment options for your loved one who suffers from
addiction. We are licensed and insured, and we focus on the
individual's needs with several levels of care. Call our office today
to discuss treatment options, therapy, and other services for
individuals who deal with addiction in the family.
